


Life's Great Happiness

by the_sky_is_forever



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Betrayal, Crying, Forced Traitor, Forgiveness, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 12:19:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11600502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_sky_is_forever/pseuds/the_sky_is_forever
Summary: “So, do it,” Enjolras challenges. He looks Grantaire straight in the eye. “Whatever it is that they have on you, if killing me truly is the only way, do it.”Grantaire takes a deep breath.“Come on, R,” Enjolras goads. “You’re never going to have a better opportunity. Shoot me.”





	Life's Great Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> the title is contradictory with the story, but it comes from a quote.  
> “Life's great happiness is to be convinced we are loved.”  
> ― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

The night before, Grantaire throws up violently into the motel’s disgusting toilet. He can’t stop crying, sobbing as he heaves, on his knees, the bulb dangling from the ceiling flickering and buzzing. Enjolras finds him there and watches for a moment before joining him on the floor brushing his hair away from his eyes and murmuring comforts to him as Grantaire continues to vomit and sob.

“It’s all right,” Enjolras tells him, gently. “Everything will be fine tomorrow, there’s no need to be upset.”

Grantaire shakes his head, because Enjolras doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know.

Grantaire’s stopped being sick by now, and he leans back into Enjolras, sweaty and puffy-eyed, half-way to a panic attack. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I love you- I love-” Grantaire sobs.

“I know,” Enjolras whispers. “I’ve got you. Everything’s going to be all right.”

“I can’t- Enjolras, I-”

“I know,” Enjolras repeats. “I know. Come to bed. Don’t think about it, it’s all going to be all right. Nothing’s ever gone wrong before, has it?”

Grantaire shakes his head, pitifully.

“Then why would anything go wrong tomorrow? Do you want to look over the plans again?” Enjolras asks, and Grantaire wants to throw himself down before him and beg for forgiveness.

Grantaire shakes his head again. “Can we go to bed?” he asks, begs.

Enjolras smiles softly. “Of course.”

After helping him drink a glass of water, Enjolras helps Grantaire undress and undresses himself. They climb into the bed, and Grantaire shakes, lying next to Enjolras, not touching him.

“May I hold you, Grantaire?” Enjolras asks.

Grantaire bursts into tears again. He shakes his head miserably, knowing he doesn’t deserve it. Not when tomorrow, he will be the one to point a gun at Enjolras’ beautiful head and pull the trigger.

“Please?” Enjolras asks. “You need the comfort.”

Grantaire turns away from Enjolras.

“Okay,” Enjolras whispers, letting him go.

Grantaire’s will isn’t strong enough, however, and after resisting for a few minutes he lets out a sob and rolls over, clinging to Enjolras. Enjolras’ arms come up around him, and he strokes Grantaire’s hair, soothingly whispering to him. “I trust you,” Enjolras tells him. “Everything will be fine.”

 

The warehouse is empty. Grantaire knew that, of course. It’s a set-up. Enjolras looks around the empty room and not once does his assured expression flicker.

He doesn’t hesitate. Grantaire lifts his gun and points it straight at Enjolras’ back.

Enjolras turns around. His eyes widen for a moment, and then his face settles into acceptance. “Like this, then?” he asks.

A sick, unsettled feeling settles in Grantaire’s stomach, the anxiety he’s been feeling all day reaching its peak. His hands shake. He can hardly hold the gun steady.

It’s impossible to look at Enjolras down the barrel of a gun. His finger shakes on the trigger. He has to pull it.

Move his finger here, Enjolras dies there.

“Grantaire,” Enjolras says.

“I have to,” Grantaire tries to explain. “I’m sorry,” he begs. “I’m sorry, you have to understand, I don’t have a choice.” Tears are prickling behind his eyes.

Enjolras’ face is steady. “There’s always a choice,” he says. “Let me help you.”

“You can’t help me,” Grantaire says as the first tears leak from his eyes. “It’s too late. I already betrayed you.”

“You haven’t. Not yet. I trust you, Grantaire. Come with me. I can help you,” Enjolras promises, eyes locked on Grantaire’s.

Grantaire’s hands shake. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he pleads. “I don’t want to do this, I-”

“So don’t,” Enjolras says. He takes a step towards Grantaire, and Grantaire clicks the safety off, taking a step back, panicked.

“Don’t move!” Grantaire yells, too loud for the short distance between them and the silent surroundings. “I’m gonna do it. I am. I’ll shoot you,” Grantaire says.

“No, you won’t,” Enjolras replies. “I told you. I trust you. I know you. You love me.”

“That doesn’t make a fucking difference anymore,” Grantaire sobs. “I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to be the one that takes you from this world, but I have to. I kill you, and...”

“And what, Grantaire? What do they have on you? Who’s making you do this?” Enjolras prompts.

“It doesn’t fucking matter!” Grantaire yells. “There’s nothing you can do. I’ve been planning this for months.”

“I know,” Enjolras says.

Grantaire splutters. “What the fuck do you mean, you know?” he asks, blinking, trying to clear the tears away.

“I’ve known all along,” Enjolras says, “and last night made it clear that it was going to be today.”

Grantaire freezes. “Did you know when you kissed me that first time?” Pale-faced shock is plain on his face.

“Yes,” Enjolras says.

“...did you kiss me to manipulate me out of doing this?” Grantaire asks, terrified about the answer, but knowing that if Enjolras says yes, this will become much easier.

“No, Grantaire,” Enjolras tells him, honestly shining clear in his eyes. “I kissed you because the love that you have for me has meant everything to me over the past few years and I got scared that it was going to be taken away from me. I had to do something to show you how I feel. I didn’t want to be a coward anymore, not when I knew that soon we were going to end up here.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Grantaire warns, and his finger twitches slightly on the trigger.

“I’m not. I promise I love you. Don’t do this. Come with me and let me help you,” Enjolras says.

“Why let it go this far?” Grantaire asks.

“Because I want you to make your own decision here, R. Kill me, if that’s what you really want, but I don’t believe it is.”

Grantaire shakes his head. “You don’t know what I want,” he tells Enjolras.

“I know what you feel. I know what you feel, and I know you can’t kill me,” Enjolras says.

“Yes I can,” Grantaire says. His arm is starting to feel like lead but he doesn’t let his aim waver. “I’m sorry.”

“Do it then,” Enjolras says. “Stop wasting our time and shoot me. Kill me, Grantaire.”

Grantaire’s face is pale and terrified. “If I don’t, they’ll find another way. You’ll die no matter what I do.”

“As long as it’s not you, I couldn’t care less,” Enjolras replies. “Don’t have my death on your hands, Grantaire. We both know you couldn’t live with that.”

“I’ve killed before,” Grantaire reminds him, as if Enjolras hasn’t stood by his side as he’s committed murder. “I can do it again.”

“Strangers,” Enjolras points out, “not the man that you love.”

“Enjolras, I have to,” Grantaire says.

“So, do it,” Enjolras challenges. He looks Grantaire straight in the eye. “Whatever it is that they have on you, if killing me truly is the only way, do it.”

Grantaire takes a deep breath.

“Come on, R,” Enjolras goads. “You’re never going to have a better opportunity. _Shoot me_.”

A tear rolls down Grantaire’s cheek. “I-”

Enjolras takes a step forwards. “Do it,” he says. He moves ever closer, until the barrel of the gun rests against his chest. “What are you waiting for?” he asks.

“I love you,” Grantaire sobs. “I love you so, so much.”

Enjolras smiles. “I know. I love you, too.”

Grantaire’s lip trembles. “That’s the first time you’ve said that,” he tells Enjolras.

“Right before you kill me, too. I sure know how to pick them,” Enjolras replies, wryly smiling.

“I can’t do it. You know I can’t do it,” Grantaire chokes out.

“I know,” Enjolras says. “So, give me the gun.” Slowly, he wraps his hand over Grantaire’s shaking one. “Let me take the gun, Grantaire.”

Grantaire’s face crumples as Enjolras slowly takes the gun off him. Enjolras puts the safety back on and tucks the gun into his jacket as Grantaire sinks to the ground.

Enjolras kneels down next to him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Grantaire begs. “I can’t kill you. Anyone but you. _Fuck_.”

“That’s not a bad thing,” Enjolras says.

Grantaire looks up at him, a haunted look on his face. “Some things about me are about to come out. I’m going to be wanted internationally, and they’re still going to be looking to kill you. The next person they send probably won’t fall in love with you, so you’re going to have to come up with some sort of solution.” When Enjolras doesn’t respond immediately, Grantaire says, “You said you’d help. You said you could fix it.”

“I can,” Enjolras says. “Let’s get somewhere safe, and you can tell me all about it. Come on, up you get,” Enjolras coaxes, gently trying to pull Grantaire to his feet. “Come on, don’t make me make you.”

Grantaire stumbles to his feet. He feels like he’s in shock. His hand grasps Enjolras’ arm and the amazement of touching Enjolras, solid, warm, alive courses through him. Enjolras tucks him under his arm, and Grantaire can feel the gun press against him, his hands curl up into fists, and he hates himself fiercely.

Enjolras bundles him back into the van, risking a brief moment to kiss Grantaire on the forehead, before getting into the driver’s seat. Once they reach the motorway, Enjolras puts his hand on Grantaire’s knee and squeezes.

Grantaire turns away and cries. Enjolras doesn’t move his hand away.

 

Grantaire blinks awake as Enjolras shakes him gently. It’s dark and the open door where Enjolras is standing is letting cold night air into the car. “Come on. Everyone’s inside,” Enjolras says.

“Do they all know?” Grantaire asks, resigned.

Enjolras doesn’t answer for a second, but his eyes go soft with sadness. “Yes,” he admits. “I cleared this plan with them. They all agreed. R, they all trusted you.”

Grantaire huffs and rubs a hand over his face. “They just know how obsessed with you I am.”

Enjolras kisses the patch of skin on Grantaire’s face that he can reach past Grantaire’s hand. “That too.” He pulls Grantaire’s hand away. “They knew you couldn’t go through with it. They’re your friends and they trusted you, okay? Now let them help you.” He kisses Grantaire softly. “There’s no judgement waiting in that house. They love you just as much as I do. You _didn’t_ betray us. You’re one of us. Let us help you.”

Grantaire looks at him. “Okay,” he says. And he takes Enjolras’ hand and follows him into the house, and when his friends pull him into a massive group hug, kissing his hair and punching him on the arm, full of camaraderie, he gets it. They’re _Les Amis de l’ABC_ and they’ve got his back.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I'm on twitter @wonderfeuilly. my tumblr is nerds-are-cool but i'm not really on there much.  
> Also, if you enjoyed this: [buy me a coffee?](http://ko-fi.com/A831F9U)


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